Let me first apologize for being absent for quite some time now.
Usually when it comes to blogs, reviews and being social-media active…there is this expectancy vibe floating around that we who write, review and create an online presence, that we do not have a life other than sitting in front of our laptops, books and social media apps. But that is where the misconception hides…You see, we do have a private life other than nose-in-the-book and being socially hungry. It all comes down to the individual, what he/she wants for himself and why he/she is creating an online presence. All of us are unique and different and do things our own way. That is indeed the beauty of free will. I chose to create an online presence for myself. Not to become the next best blogger in town. Neither to become socially famous. I chose to review books, read books, create a small space on Facebook and Instagram, because I enjoy reading, writing and creating…and of course to share it with those who may be interested. With that small intro and explanation, let me share with you a little as to where I’ve been the past few weeks. As a toddler and very young girl, straight through to my teens, I witnessed and endured hell. No need to elaborate as every individual has his/her own story. As a young adult; confusion, hatred and fear consumed me whereas it ruled every fiber within me. As a wife and mother, for the first time, healing started taking place in all areas, but at a very slow pace. All gratitude energy flows to my husband for this, as he was the one who broke down my walls brick by brick and helped me realize I can actually heal. It wasn’t easy though. I then entered my thirties. A time where that nudging feeling grew stronger of... “This life as we know it, living it…this can’t be it. There is more. I know it. I feel it.” However, my stubbornness and constantly living-in-the-future mindset…I drove myself freakin crazy and created this web of fear in which I fell for…my own trap. The warnings were heard. Guidance was accepted. Love and healing was absorbed. Yet, my EGO just didn’t turn the hell OFF. What is it with our monkey brains that keep taking control? You realize as an individual, which road, idea or turn to take in certain circumstances. You know the consequences of each and every decision you make. Still, knowing, I really struggled to turn off my mind for one bit and really feeling clarity within. Until I found Ayahuasca. The whole Ayahuasca ‘thing’ belonged to my husband as he is a psychonaut. In a positive way. He researches these subjects in-depth, test it if possible and then tell us all about his ventures and experiences. Now, if there is a person in need of deep-core-healing…I vouch for my hubby. And after all, he deserves drinking the ancestral medicine at a first go, since he is the one who introduced us to it. Within three weeks, my life as I thought I knew it, flip-flopped 180 degrees. Not quite sure what happened, but my ticket was booked and bags packed. I’m on my way to my very first Ayahuasca retreat ever. Minor details of why and how is quite irrelevant. Fast forward 7 days… Due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to cut my trip short. However, I did have the privilege to experience a single Ayahuasca ceremony which by the way lasted for seven hours. The shaman said it was an incredibly powerful ceremony and much deep healing took place. I also drank San Pedro twice…of which I couldn’t stop crying for two days by the way! The only thing that I can say… “I literally died over and over and over during those seven hours. Just as I was about to give in, utter bliss, gratitude and love consumed me”. You want to know details? Go on an Ayahuasca ceremony…find out your own story. It is absolutely terrifying and magnificent and so freakin worth every penny, tear and blood that has been shed. So, I returned home…Weeks passed and I met people who even more so changed my life. During the past few weeks, I’ve got to know myself internally. I’m not this fragile weakling. All the obstacles and challenges I had to face was placed before me, so that I could grow spiritually, open my eyes and really observe life, and to ultimately realize that I am not who I think I am. I am an essence, part of the collective consciousness experiencing a human existence within a human body. All of us are a drop of ocean within the vastness of consciousness. I chose to be here, face things I had to face, learn what I have come to learn and grow, to enter the next level. I’ve realized that I have never been alone. I was never an outcast. It was only created by my perception of energies that surrounded me of which I absorbed and thought and believed the false deception in front of me, around me and within me. I’ve realized that I am loved. I can love. I am love. I’ve realized that I do have a home of which I so craved for, longed for…my ancestral family has always been there. My teachers, healers, guides and protectors have always been with me. I simply resonated at a different vibrational level whereas I could never feel them, experience them. I have lived many many lives. I have endured much pain and seen darkness. But for once, I managed to break through the web of lies and deception. I’ve pushed through and now acknowledge my place within this space in this 3D world. Never again will I be silent. I will speak my truth coming straight from my heart. I will cherish my human body. Feed it with high vibrational energy we call food which we need to sustain ourselves. I will surround myself with love, light and peace. Lower vibrational energies I will pull into my space, only to lift their spirits and make them realize…You are not who you think you are. I will help you see the light, experience the love and feel utter peace. Allow me to share a very special and powerful message with you. After all, I am a Messenger… Do not be afraid of the dark. Do not be afraid of the unknown. Get out of your comfort zone and explore your heart. Do not let your monkey brain silence you. Do not let your Ego rule you. Explore new ventures and feel what is right from within your heart. Walking this path has never been easy. Find the Warrior within you… I am a Warrior My scars are battle scars I wear them proudly I am not ashamed of them I am a Warrior Trauma I had to experience in my life, happened to this body These were the challenges my soul chose to learn and evolve from I am not scared anymore I embrace every memory I embrace my power within I am a Warrior I can now freely share my story I can now motivate and encourage others I can help those to climb out of their own created web I can let them feel the rain on their skin I can let them touch the rays of the sun and feel the heat I am a Warrior My scars are battle scars I wear them proudly I am not ashamed of them I am a Warrior
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